His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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