your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
