So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
