I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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