its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
