puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
