No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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