please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
