So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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