the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No subtext here. People are naked.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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