I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize