dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Someone shattered a urinal.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
