I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
