I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
