Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
