woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
