The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
