I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
