So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize