think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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