my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
