are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
