Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
