just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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