Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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