do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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