Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
