Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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