dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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