xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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