i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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