I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize