So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
