so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
