areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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