He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
