I hate all girls vehemently.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
