How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
