I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
