and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
