Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
