you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
