Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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