why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
