I hope mine doesn't look like that
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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