and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
