Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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