Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
