thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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