i would punch a child for taco bell
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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