Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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