i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
