My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
