My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
