Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
