Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
