So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
