Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
