fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im holly from the hills drunk
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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