I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
