Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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