Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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