We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
