the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
