I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
