What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
