i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
