Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
