I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
