We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
