it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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