in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just invented taco cereal.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
