Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
