I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
